Miserable Characters: Dealing With Difficult People Part 2

Difficult people can make your life miserable. Rarely do they get better or get up and go away. Instead, typically, the longer we try to ignore their bad behaviors the worse the situation gets. However, with the right strategies, you can deal with them effectively. The following are five actions you can take to help you deal with difficult people:

 

1. Assess the situation. Is this really a difficult person or is s/he just having a bad day? If you find yourself reacting negatively to practically everything about someone, it may be a response to something quite specific about them like their hair, perfume, or mannerisms that remind you of your 3rd grade teacher, etc.

 

2. Stop wishing they were different. Sometimes we want everyone to think and behave like we do and if they don't, we assume they're doing it on purpose to irritate us.

 

3. Distance yourself from the difficult person by taking a detached, impersonal view. The more you can see them as they are, the less likely you'll be to interpret their behavior as being a personal attack against you. It's just the way they are and has nothing to do with you.

 

4. Interrupt the action. Recognize that a difficult person is adept at bringing the worst out in everyone. However, you can change your response and avoid getting caught up in a cycle of frustration. You are not a victim. Do the opposite of what they expect.

 

5. Time your response carefully. Choose a time when the difficult person is not under excessive stress or obligation. People are less resilient and flexible when under stress. Bad behavior may be intentional or unconscious. These behaviors can take many forms, including gossiping, foot dragging, ignoring requests, refusing to talk, lying, being rude, yelling, harassing, attempts to control, self-absorbed recognition or affection seeking, interrupting, and much more.

 

In the final analysis, consider whether you have the time and energy to engage. Perhaps more damage will be done to your mental health and self-esteem by participating in any interaction with this person. Your best option may be to withdraw from the relationship even though that might mean quitting your job, divorcing your spouse, eating lunch alone, or moving far away from your grown children. The bottom line is, we get to choose whom we allow to take up space in our lives. Choose wisely.